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Sure Dad Says

New Year’s Resolutions Redux

OK, so raise your hand if you’ve, yet again, wasted your time embarking on that fruitless effort, making a list of ways to better yourself this year. Don’t you ever learn? Don’t you know that if you’re anything like me (God forbid), you will be lucky to last a week before breaking every one of those promises to yourself?

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS REDUXWell, at my advanced age I’ve decided to do something different this year. I will commit myself to attain success reaching more reasonable goals—which are not even stretch goals. Why break a sweat over this?

Therefore, in 2017 I vow to work very hard to do the following:

I will spend as much time as is humanly possible vegetating, lying around watching mindless TV, accomplishing nothing and doing absolutely nothing.

Every chance I get, I will seek out and consume anything remotely chocolate in the most outrageous quantities humanly possible.

When it comes to exercise, I will strive to come up with the most unique excuses and lame reasons to put off and/or skip the otherwise dedicated time allotted to working out, running, walking, mountain climbing, etc.

I plan to succumb to all of my caveman carnivore yearnings (avoid red meat? are you kidding?!) and indulge in eating burgers, steaks and meatballs at every meal, breakfast included. Loading up on lots and lots of cholesterol is the way to go. LDL, here I come!

Of course, all work and no play will make this Sure Dad a very dull boy. So play I will, and work I will diligently “work” to avoid. Hangnail? No time for that. Sock drawer needs to be rearranged? Sorry, I can’t make it. Hair out of place? I’d best deal with that immediately; the office can wait. I’ll let the dog (which I don’t have) eat my homework.

Well yes, I know, that’s quite an aggressive list, but hopefully I won’t disappoint myself. I hope to persevere and get 100 percent achievability.

Now I need to take a well-deserved nap, after committing all of this to writing, which is exhausting work.

Best to you and good luck with your New Year’s Resolutions (suckers).

Happy New Year from your friends at!

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