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Sure Dad Says


Hello…hello…hello? Can you hear me?  Well, maybe I’m just an echo, talking to myself and being ignored. Or has your make-believe personal assistant blocked my incessant greetings? What’s happened to us? Sadly, my friends, human beings have now sunk to the lowest low of laziness since, well, the beginning of human beings. Yes, we have found our new BFF, Alexa. Who, naturally, doesn’t even have a last name.

Just sit on your fat ass and give her orders. “Alexa, play my favorite song.” “Alexa, order my food from McDonalds.” “Alexa, open the door.”  “Alexa, close the door.” “Alexa, go to the bathroom for me.” It’s getting to the point where we don’t have to do anything ourselves to get by in life. Alexa will do it all. She must have very broad shoulders, as we make her responsible for satisfying all our needs. But does she?

Like us, the super assistant Alexa has her limitations—for now, anyway. Can she mend a broken heart? Can she stop wars, famine or disease? Not yet—but give her time. Alexa will likely find a way to do those things and more at some point. She seems to be rather resilient, especially when I overhear the nasty comments made to her. When, God forbid, she doesn’t understand someone’s command, they just yell louder. And if that doesn’t work, they call that poor girl the most horrible names, and ultimately have to get up and take care of that difficult task themselves. Like changing the channel or cranking up the volume. That bitch! The nerve of her.Echo device

 Now as for me, if I had a pal named Alexa who could help me, I would ask her (very politely, of course) to do things like:

  • Alexa, pay my bills.
  • Alexa, kiss me goodnight. (That’s not really a task for me, but it’s always welcomed.)
  • Alexa, win the lottery.
  • Alexa, get people to stop bothering me. (Never mind. I enjoy telling people to get lost.)
  • Alexa, give me lots of vacation days.
  • Alexa, make my bed.
  • Alexa, keep me from saying stupid things. (Good luck with that.)

On second thought, Alexa, please give me the strength to do all these things myself, and shut yourself off. That way, I can recapture the excitement of being a human being again.

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