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Sure Dad Says

Doodiehead Disease

OK, so we’re all cooped up practicing safe socialization skills, and dealing with insufferable cabin fever. We understand the situation, but the little ones are very confused. Thanks to your friends at Surdad, we have developed this learning tool for the youngsters, still home from school. To keep their minds sharp and fresh, and not go to mush, we’ve developed a short primer to use when teaching them about Covid-19. For your reading (and sharing) pleasure…..

“Once upon a time, a very bad man (of course it was a man, there is no such thing as a bad lady), wanted to do something really mean

to everyone. You see, Dudley Doodiehead was raised by wolves, without a loving mommy and daddy. He was always angry and very jealous of all the other happy children he saw. He thought and thought about a way to carry out a mean and dastardly deed, to punish all happy people.

He decided to create a very horrible disease, that would make everyone real sick. Unfortunately, he succeeded, and it’s called the Doodiehead Disease. Of course, that’s contrary to one big asshole (spank mommy or daddy for saying a bad word) calling it the Chinese Virus.

In these very difficult times, we have to be especially careful to keep our hands to ourselves and put off play dates until things get better. There are some good things which result from these actions. Sloppy wet and messy kisses from Aunt Gladys must be avoided at all costs, now. That’s OK, because she smells. And no more picking your nose, or even your friend’s nose. Oh, and you have to wash your hands, for real, every time.

Fortunately, despite the lack of help from that asshole I referenced before (spank them again), our other leaders are doing their job helping to keep us safe, until this danger goes away. The Good Ship Lollipop came to New York City to help our friends up there, and its sister ship, the USS Gumdrop went California to do the same. And no, it wasn’t that asshole’s idea to do that (another spank), although he took the credit.

And speaking of that asshole (you’re going to have to wash their mouths out with soap) and his band of incompetent morons, they have completely mishandled this tragedy and countless thousands have died due to their incompetence.

Hopefully, some day soon, this international nightmare will end and our great country will regain its prowess and become the superpower leader of the free world once again (those were a lot of big words that mommy or daddy can explain). We can never give up hope.

Stay safe, and be well.