For women, it’s usually the style and color. Unless you’re really very old, gray is typically out. The color can change with the day of the week.  And the style is just a factor of the latest, well, style. Long, short, upswept, beehive (you don’t see that too often, but it may come back), wigs, ponytails, bobs, pigtails, shags, braided, unbraided, in your face, out of your face. It’s a never-ending evolution of colors, tints and ways to wear hair.

However, when it comes to us guys, you’d think hair would be a non-issue.  Sure, we keep the same style from high school because we have no imagination or sense of adventure when it comes to our hair. The only problem is, we usually have less of it as we age. One would expect that since we are men, we wouldn’t worry much about our appearance. After all, we usually don’t care about being fat, unshaven, shirt-hanging-out-of-our-pants slobs, now do we? But au contraire! (I hope you’re impressed, as that’s the extent of my French vocabulary. Oh wait, I also know lingerie, but not intimately, if you know what I mean. However, I digress.)

Hair is a big deal to men too. So what do we do? We either comb our few remaining strands over the rest of our bald heads, get hair transplants, put on a stupid rug or simply embrace our hairlessness by shaving off what’s left. Except for the last one, it’s all about our vain (heavy on the vain) attempt to look like we did in high school. There is even a small minority of us who dye our hair like the women. Not real manly, if you ask me.

When it comes to haircuts, we men are real babies. We think that everyone is constantly staring at our heads, and would obviously notice a bad haircut. We try to give our stylist very specific instructions, so as to cut it just right. But it seems that “a little off the top” has multiple meanings, depending on the hair cutter. We are also very careful to make sure any bald spots are sufficiently covered up. Now if we do finally find someone who understands our very particular cutting requirements, we follow them like dogs, from salon to salon, and state to state, to the ends of the earth, if necessary, until we die. God forbid, they retire or quit the profession. We mourn that loss like the death of a loved one. No one could ever replace what’s-his/her-name, and our lives are forever empty.

But it is just hair, right? We even recover from bad haircuts, as the hair eventually grows back.  As an aside, why do you suppose that, especially for men, hair tends to be like grass? It grows where we don’t want it. Another of life’s mysteries.

Which brings us to the age-old proverbial (I really don’t know what that means, but it does sound very cool) question: “Did you get a haircut?” To which the obvious answer is: “No, I got them all cut.” (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist.)

And now a word from our sponsors:

Psst, now is the time to buy the Sure Dad book. Now is now, silly. Just in time for the holidays.